AA and Me

I came to realize I had a problem with alcohol a little over a year ago. I came to realize I had a problem... yeah right I am a full blown alcoholic thats more like it! I was a functioning alcoholic turned closet drunk! I was in denial and hiding from myself and the truth. I hurt those around me and really didnt care. All that mattered was me and my next drink. I have always drank for as long as I can remember. My parents drank their friends drank it was "normal" at our house. I was suprised to see other people lived differently than we did. Thats when I learned to keep your dirty laundry in the closet. As a young girl I held many secrets that were not my own.

As a teenager I went to parties and concerts with my friends, We did what most of the kids were doing back then drinking and getting high. I married my husband when I was 19 had my son at 20 then my middle daughter at 23 then my youngest daughter at 24. I was sober while they were little only having a drink on a weekend or occasion."I would never become one of those people". The years progressed as did my disease, all the while there was this quiet monster living inside me growing stronger more powerful by the day, month and year. Life began to happen, so to take the edge off I began to drink after 5pm of course, then I would utter the phrase, " its 5pm somewhere". Right? I was on my way down the rabbit hole. Funny how well you can function when in denial. By now I am an empty nester a grandmother and a full blown drunk! I had managed to go from its 5 O clock somewhere to well " If Kathy and Hoda can do it so can I" , yes I was drinking in the morning.... A sure sign your an alcoholic. I was hiding bottles all over the house. I would hide them while I was drunk and spend a lot of my sober time trying to find them. One glass turned into a bottle one bottle turned into two. That was my daily routine my full time job. I was loosing my family, my friends, my health and even my looks began to suffer. I was indeed one of those people I swore I would never become..

Everyday for the longest time was like the last it was like the movie Ground Hog Day, the same thing over and over. I was living my life in a black out just going through the motions. My husband kept telling me I needed to do something to get a handle on myself, he didnt know that he could go on this way much longer, he said he loved me but couldnt do it anymore. That scared me . I started going to church thinking that God could fix me and of course while going to church I wouldnt sin cause that would be wrong.... Yeah right! No Wrong!!!!! I went for 5 Sundays and 5 Sundays I went hung over. This wasnt working I was drinking even more than before. Trying to stop wasnt working so I tried controlled drinking.... How do you think that worked out? That's right it didnt! I was slap out of control. I was beaten and broken, then God spoke to my heart find a AA meeting he said.

January 23. 2015 I walked through the doors of AA clutching my husbands arm so tight. Shaking from the cold and fear. I heard these words, We are glad your hear, Keep coming back . A man came up to me welcomed us and gave me the phone number of his wife and told me to call her, the next day I did. She became my sponsor and now dear friend and sister in Christ. I got sober that day and have been everyday since then. God knew what he was doing he had it all planned out from the start. He had a plan for my life and he has one for yours. I needed to live this expeience and suffer first hand in order to be able to honestly help others battling this addiction. I am so grateful for my Alcoholism. My testimony has become my ministry. How cool is that? God is so good all of the time.

If you or someone you know is suffering from alcoholism don't be ashamed to ask for help. Please contact me or the AA Hotline. There is Hope!